It's been four months since my dad unexpectedly passed away. It's been a very tough transition to living life without my dad in our home.
What I know for sure is:
1. I officially feel like an adult now. Even though I'm in my mid-thirties, I've had a very well-supported life with my mom and dad. My parents have always been the strongest pillars in my life who have always encouraged me to do my best and have supported me along the way. Now, I feel like I'm an adult and must make decisions. Even though I strongly wish to return to the way it used to be, but I know that my parents and my upbringing have helped me prepare for this my whole life.
2. I'm doing my best to establish a new routine and stay positive and trust me when I tell you this--it is very hard work to be happy when I'm feeling sad on the inside. I am blessed to have people in my life who care about me and often send me text messages out of nowhere to check how I'm doing. I'm so grateful to them and I appreciate their time in reaching out to me.
3. I miss my dad very much but the person who misses him 100,000 times more is my mom. Looking at her going through the grieving process is very hard. We are both broken and that's where I need to be as strong as possible. In doing so, there are times where I don't have any energy and all I want to do is stay in bed. I'm back in the gym as an excuse to get out of bed and get a good sweat session in the mornings before going to work.
4. Losing someone you love, like a parent, leaves a hole in your heart, at least, it did for me. Knowing that I will never hear my dad's laugh, or hear his voice is a true let down on life. I've learned how short life truly is and I value the moments I have with the people I truly love.
5. The grieving process is something unique. The sadness comes in waves. Sometimes the waves are small and manageable and other times the waves come in hard and fast. On those tough days, I cry it out on my own.
If I could, I would love to see my dad again. I often pray to see him in my dreams and he doesn't show up. The last dream I had that involved my dad, it was him letting my mom and I know that he no longer was coming home with us because he didn't live with us anymore. It broke my heart in my dreams and it broke my heart when he died.
**This was a post I wrote in May 2019 but for some reason, I didn't publish it. Since then I chose to start therapy to take care of this new transition in my life. So far, it's been helping me out a lot to clear things up in my head. As far as my mom goes, she is truly the strongest person I know. She misses my dad every day and we always mention something about him. We can now talk about my dad without crying and we will sometimes laugh at the things he used to say. The loss feels a bit easier to carry. Although my dad is gone physically, he still lives very much with us and in our home. As we soon approach my dad's one year anniversary of his passing, I know that life will never be the same.
Mayra
What I know for sure is:
1. I officially feel like an adult now. Even though I'm in my mid-thirties, I've had a very well-supported life with my mom and dad. My parents have always been the strongest pillars in my life who have always encouraged me to do my best and have supported me along the way. Now, I feel like I'm an adult and must make decisions. Even though I strongly wish to return to the way it used to be, but I know that my parents and my upbringing have helped me prepare for this my whole life.
2. I'm doing my best to establish a new routine and stay positive and trust me when I tell you this--it is very hard work to be happy when I'm feeling sad on the inside. I am blessed to have people in my life who care about me and often send me text messages out of nowhere to check how I'm doing. I'm so grateful to them and I appreciate their time in reaching out to me.
3. I miss my dad very much but the person who misses him 100,000 times more is my mom. Looking at her going through the grieving process is very hard. We are both broken and that's where I need to be as strong as possible. In doing so, there are times where I don't have any energy and all I want to do is stay in bed. I'm back in the gym as an excuse to get out of bed and get a good sweat session in the mornings before going to work.
4. Losing someone you love, like a parent, leaves a hole in your heart, at least, it did for me. Knowing that I will never hear my dad's laugh, or hear his voice is a true let down on life. I've learned how short life truly is and I value the moments I have with the people I truly love.
5. The grieving process is something unique. The sadness comes in waves. Sometimes the waves are small and manageable and other times the waves come in hard and fast. On those tough days, I cry it out on my own.
If I could, I would love to see my dad again. I often pray to see him in my dreams and he doesn't show up. The last dream I had that involved my dad, it was him letting my mom and I know that he no longer was coming home with us because he didn't live with us anymore. It broke my heart in my dreams and it broke my heart when he died.
**This was a post I wrote in May 2019 but for some reason, I didn't publish it. Since then I chose to start therapy to take care of this new transition in my life. So far, it's been helping me out a lot to clear things up in my head. As far as my mom goes, she is truly the strongest person I know. She misses my dad every day and we always mention something about him. We can now talk about my dad without crying and we will sometimes laugh at the things he used to say. The loss feels a bit easier to carry. Although my dad is gone physically, he still lives very much with us and in our home. As we soon approach my dad's one year anniversary of his passing, I know that life will never be the same.
Mayra
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