Love can be such a wonderful and powerful feeling to experience. Being head over heels for someone you love is absolutely an amazing feeling! However, there is something that happens to a lot of us, especially to women is that our love may turn into infatuation and can lead us to lose ourselves in the process of being in love with another person.
Like other people, I did this exact same thing that I still deal with from time to time. But I can tell you now, that I'm a lot better now than how I was before at the start of my relationship with my boyfriend.
I seriously believe that a relationship should bring out the best qualities of yourself; not create an identity for you. If you don't know who you are, what your interests are, what you love, you have broken relationships with your family and close friends then NO, YOU ARE NOT READY to be in a relationship. Your first priority is to love and get to know yourself first, before someone else comes into your life and starts making decisions for you.
This was happening to me--I was starting to lose who I am as my own person. A few months into the relationship I currently have with my boyfriend, I began to do a few things that I didn't truly understand why until I sat down and had a deep reflection of the things that I was doing at the moment.
I was missing him so much when I didn't see him or didn't get the opportunity to hear from him. I was spending a lot of time waiting for him to get on Skype or Whatsapp so we can chat. I was starting to feel obsessed and I felt like I was starting to develop OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) with checking my phone every two minutes. Then I would get upset when I would finally hear from him. I felt like I was getting short changed in the process. I didn't feel like he cared enough about me and I was the one putting too much energy in the relationship. It was starting to feel exhausting. And I would overthink like crazy over nonsense things. Where is he? Does he know that I miss him so much? Why doesn't he want to talk to me? Silly things like that. I know! It was bad! In turn, this would place me in a bad mood and I was starting to lose my positive self. I would avoid going out or doing other things that would prevent me from being away from my phone because I didn't want to miss a single message from him or miss my moment to hear from him again.
The good thing about myself is that I can be honest with myself and reflect on why I do the things that I do. Being honest is actually one of the hardest things that you can do for yourself but it's also the best thing you can do for yourself as well. It's a skill that you learn to develop over time with practice. So here's what I did to pull myself out of this way of thinking:
1. Sit down and truly have a good conversation with yourself. Reflect on the things you are doing and why you're truly doing them. Most likely, you will find out that we are doing things out of fear of losing the other person when in reality, you're only causing tension in the relationship that really doesn't have to be there. Take a chill pill and relax.
2. Plan things that you can do on your own or with other people. Wake up with 3 short goals to accomplish for that day and actually do them.
3. Make one of your goals to do every day on something you can do for yourself. My goal is to attend the gym for an hour. Leave your phone at home. It's your time, whether it be an hour, 2 hours, or the whole morning.
4. Keep a journal whether it be to write down your insecurities or start a gratitude journal. In my case, I started a blog.
5. Talk to someone you trust with your secrets, thoughts, insecurities and so on. It could be your best friend, your sibling, a parent, or an adult you trust and confide in. Talking to someone else can help you see things in a different way.
I actually feel very relieved that I have a strong support group that involves my mom and my close friends. I am happy again with myself and my relationship with my boyfriend is getting stronger and stronger. I am learning to be myself in the relationship. I do my things and he does his. When we make chat again, we are both happy to hear from each other and our conversations are more interesting. We get to share stories about our days and what we encounter in our daily activities.
In the end, what I had was an insecurity about myself that was causing me to lose myself. I am happier now and I am learning to take things day by day and as they come. I've learned not to have unrealistic expectations and to let go of the feeling of being in charge or in control. It is unnecessary added stress that is truly uncalled for.
Be happy, be true to yourself, and be YOU in every relationship you have,
Mayra :)
Like other people, I did this exact same thing that I still deal with from time to time. But I can tell you now, that I'm a lot better now than how I was before at the start of my relationship with my boyfriend.
I seriously believe that a relationship should bring out the best qualities of yourself; not create an identity for you. If you don't know who you are, what your interests are, what you love, you have broken relationships with your family and close friends then NO, YOU ARE NOT READY to be in a relationship. Your first priority is to love and get to know yourself first, before someone else comes into your life and starts making decisions for you. This was happening to me--I was starting to lose who I am as my own person. A few months into the relationship I currently have with my boyfriend, I began to do a few things that I didn't truly understand why until I sat down and had a deep reflection of the things that I was doing at the moment.
I was missing him so much when I didn't see him or didn't get the opportunity to hear from him. I was spending a lot of time waiting for him to get on Skype or Whatsapp so we can chat. I was starting to feel obsessed and I felt like I was starting to develop OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) with checking my phone every two minutes. Then I would get upset when I would finally hear from him. I felt like I was getting short changed in the process. I didn't feel like he cared enough about me and I was the one putting too much energy in the relationship. It was starting to feel exhausting. And I would overthink like crazy over nonsense things. Where is he? Does he know that I miss him so much? Why doesn't he want to talk to me? Silly things like that. I know! It was bad! In turn, this would place me in a bad mood and I was starting to lose my positive self. I would avoid going out or doing other things that would prevent me from being away from my phone because I didn't want to miss a single message from him or miss my moment to hear from him again.
The good thing about myself is that I can be honest with myself and reflect on why I do the things that I do. Being honest is actually one of the hardest things that you can do for yourself but it's also the best thing you can do for yourself as well. It's a skill that you learn to develop over time with practice. So here's what I did to pull myself out of this way of thinking:
1. Sit down and truly have a good conversation with yourself. Reflect on the things you are doing and why you're truly doing them. Most likely, you will find out that we are doing things out of fear of losing the other person when in reality, you're only causing tension in the relationship that really doesn't have to be there. Take a chill pill and relax.
2. Plan things that you can do on your own or with other people. Wake up with 3 short goals to accomplish for that day and actually do them.
3. Make one of your goals to do every day on something you can do for yourself. My goal is to attend the gym for an hour. Leave your phone at home. It's your time, whether it be an hour, 2 hours, or the whole morning.
4. Keep a journal whether it be to write down your insecurities or start a gratitude journal. In my case, I started a blog.
5. Talk to someone you trust with your secrets, thoughts, insecurities and so on. It could be your best friend, your sibling, a parent, or an adult you trust and confide in. Talking to someone else can help you see things in a different way.
I actually feel very relieved that I have a strong support group that involves my mom and my close friends. I am happy again with myself and my relationship with my boyfriend is getting stronger and stronger. I am learning to be myself in the relationship. I do my things and he does his. When we make chat again, we are both happy to hear from each other and our conversations are more interesting. We get to share stories about our days and what we encounter in our daily activities.
In the end, what I had was an insecurity about myself that was causing me to lose myself. I am happier now and I am learning to take things day by day and as they come. I've learned not to have unrealistic expectations and to let go of the feeling of being in charge or in control. It is unnecessary added stress that is truly uncalled for.
Be happy, be true to yourself, and be YOU in every relationship you have,
Mayra :)
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